It’s normal to feel angry. It’s natural to react emotionally in certain situations. The question is: when does anger cross the line into overreaction? How can you tell if your emotions are taking control and getting in the way of your relationships, professional goals, or daily life?
Sometimes you overreact because you want to communicate something important — and if your overreaction is consistently causing more harm than good, it’s time to find a new way to communicate and learn how to stop overreacting.
It is important to consider what an overreaction is, outside of the perspectives of those around you. It can be hard to hear from others that you are overreacting, especially when you are simply trying to communicate what you are thinking and feeling. So, what is an overreaction?
In a stressful moment, an emotional reaction is a relatively proportional, instinctive response to a stimulus—you may feel upset, frustrated, or scared, and you act (or speak) in a way that matches the intensity and context.
An overreaction, by contrast, is when that response is magnified: the emotion is more intense than the situation warrants, lasts longer than typical, or leads to behavior that feels “out of control.”
In other words, overreaction often involves a breakdown in regulation—less about the trigger itself and more about how your nervous system or emotional system overshoots the mark. One clue that you’ve crossed into overreaction is when you later feel that you “shouldn’t have” said or done what you did, or when the consequences escalate more than intended.
While everyone has moments when they are feeling very strongly about something important, it is imperative that you learn how to handle those strong emotions accordingly. People who feel emotions more strongly aren’t necessarily doomed to overreact — what makes the difference is how they regulate those emotions in the moment. Learning how to regulate emotions is key in keeping yourself from reacting in a way that can escalate situations, rather than bring clarity.
Understand What Makes You Overreact
We have all experienced situations where we’ve overreacted. If you can recognize the causes of your buttons being pushed, you can learn to be more in control of yourself when your triggers are activated.
To figure out what triggers you, here are some questions to ask yourself:
- When you overreact, is there a common denominator?
- E.g., do you get particularly agitated when a certain person talks to you?
- Do you usually overreact over a certain topic?
- When you overreact, is it predominantly with friends, family, or romantic partners?
- Is there something painful in your past connected to what you usually overreact about?
- Do you usually feel misunderstood or like people aren’t listening to you?
- Are you usually very tired (physically or emotionally exhausted) when you overreact?
Once you’ve identified some potential triggers, it’s time to start reflecting on how your overreactions are impacting you and those around you.
How to take a Step Back and Assess the Situation
Once you have assessed what could be the trigger behind your overreaction, it is easier to navigate the hard emotions, memories, or patterns that are causing your overreaction. It’s possible for your overreaction to be about something deeper than the immediate situation. Sometimes overreacting can be related to past trauma or even just a sign that you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or emotionally overwhelmed.
If your overreaction is related to feeling overwhelmed, it can be helpful to remember that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with overwhelming emotions at some point in their lives. It’s important to understand and accept these feelings rather than trying to fight them or bottle them up.
Here are a few tips to take a step back and assess the situation:
- In the moment, tell the other person you need a second to collect your thoughts. Communicating that you need some space to calm down and explain what you are experiencing will give you the time you need to communicate effectively – and let the other person know you’re not leaving the conversation unfinished; instead, you are boxing out space to finish well.
- Stop and take some deep breaths. This will help you calm down and give yourself time to think.
- Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on. It can be helpful to get another perspective, especially if you’re feeling overwhelmed or confused.
- Journal what you are struggling with to get a better view of what is really bothering you – and how to communicate that effectively.
- Remind yourself that overreacting is not always rational. Just because you’re feeling a strong emotion doesn’t mean it’s automatically valid or helpful.
- Think about what you would like to happen instead of overreacting. What’s the outcome you’d like to see? How can you get there?
- Consider whether or not your reaction is helpful, or if you’re reacting with big, emotional outbursts rather than responding.
- Consider how your reaction or response could impact your relationships with others.
- Analyze the physical and emotional consequences of overreacting.
Responding versus Reacting: Managing Your Emotions
It is important to note what responding sounds like versus what reacting sounds like.
The key difference is that when you react, it’s impulsive – typically out of anger – and it feels like a quick release of that emotion. Responding, on the other hand, is when you think clearly about what you want to say, and then say/do something that is intentional; this decision usually helps the situation or conversation move along.
When you feel yourself starting to overreact, take a step back and think about what you’re overreacting to.
Ask yourself: is there a reason I am overreacting? Is this triggering because of something that has happened to me before? Is there a way I can communicate what I am feeling properly, or is there a way I can take a step back to assess myself?
If you find that you frequently overreact to situations because they are reminiscent of things that have happened to you previously, talking to someone about your past can help you move forward and learn how to handle hard situations when they arise.
Makin Wellness offers online counseling, providing you with everything you need to recognize why you are feeling the way you do and how to start navigating those patterns of overreacting.
If overreacting feels like a habit that’s hard to break, try these tips:
- Consider why you overreact, and stay cognizant of those reasons in the midst of a situation that you are prone to have an outburst in.
- Practice taking deep breaths when you feel an overreaction coming on.
- Communicate clearly with others when you feel that you are at your limit emotionally.
- Consider the people you are around, and how they would best receive what you want to communicate – so that the situation does not escalate; rather, you can provide clarity around what you are thinking and feeling.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
Practicing self-compassion can be a helpful tool in managing overreactions. While it can be tempting to beat yourself up after an emotional outburst, doing so will only make the situation worse. Instead of blaming and shaming yourself for overreacting, take time to reflect on how you can respond more effectively next time around.
Here are some helpful ways you can practice self-compassion:
- Treat yourself with kindness.
- Don’t let your reactions define who you are as a person or what you’re capable of achieving. Ruminating on your shortcomings never produces good fruit. Reflecting on what you could do differently will help you in the long run.
- If you have overreacted, you should own the way that you responded and how it affected other people. While you don’t have to apologize for feeling how you were feeling, it is important to take responsibility for the way that you impacted others through your communication.
- Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and overreactions are just a part of life.
- Seek professional help through online therapy if you feel like you can’t manage your emotions alone.
Dedicate time each day to practicing self-compassion. This can be as simple as taking a few minutes to sit quietly and breathe deeply, or writing down some thoughts about overreacting that make you feel better about yourself For instance, “While I’m not perfect, I am trying!” Or, “Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.”
It can be helpful to remember that overreacting does not have to define your identity. It’s something that can be managed and improved with practice. And above all, try to be patient with yourself – change doesn’t happen overnight. With time and effort, you can learn to manage your overreactions and start living a more productive, satisfying life.
Seek Support For Emotional Resilience
If overreacting is causing significant distress in your life or the lives of those around you, it might be time to seek professional help. A Makin Wellness therapist can help you understand the underlying causes of your overreactions and provide tools to help you manage them.
Our trained counselors can help you understand and manage your overreactions to help you live a more productive, satisfying life. Contact us at (412) 532-1249 or schedule an appointment today.
This Post Has 15 Comments
This is an excellent article on how to stop overreacting to situations. It is well-written and provides clear and helpful advice on how to gain control of your emotions. It also provides practical tips on how to practice self-regulation and improve emotional intelligence. The article is comprehensive and easy to understand, making it a great resource for anyone looking to better manage their emotions.
I agree, this is an excellent article, best I have seen! No need to look for any more articles on overreacting. This one is short and simple but spot on!
Wow. I needed to read this very helpfull , as I am overreacting to a situation in my life at the moment. Thank you.
I loved the article very much. I seem to have both compulsive and reactive types of overreactions. Throughout my life I lost almost 97% of my friends because of overreacting, I don’t trust a lot of people, easily irritated by just small details, if someone talks bad about me I won’t care if that’s a joke or tuth, what I think whenever I’m irritated is war, fighting and insulting. I know all these are bad and promise myself to play wise sometimes but it’s always been a lie. I don’t think if I’ll ever get off this habit since it’s now a part of my life, defines me and gives me the respecting friends
I’m glad you found this article helpful! It’s important to know that what you are experiencing can be worked on and improved. With the help of a licensed therapist, you can work through the root issues that cause you to react the way you do, and develop healthier ways to cope and have conflict. Being irritated and finding it difficult to trust people do not have to be things that define you! You can find friends that respect you without having to react in the ways you’ve listed.
I always end up hurting myself the most woth my overreactions. I tend to quit jobs, then regret it, then feel shame and lay awake at night feeling embarrassed and really bad about myself.
Then the anxiety and loss of confidence in myself sets in. It can be a battle.
Thank you for a great article. I will use it to help me in my never ending quest for self improvement.
Thank you for your comment, Deborah. From what you mentioned, you seem to have some patterns of behavior that could be helped with counseling. You listed a lot of symptoms, but if you only try to work with your symptoms, you may be missing the bigger issue. A counselor can help you find the root cause of your behavior patterns and help you to minimize your current experience. I highly recommend you give us a call and get started on overcoming this struggle.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge and expertise through your blog post. The information was well-researched, and I appreciated the way you made complex concepts understandable.
I don’t often comment on articles such as this, but in this particular situation, I feel this advice was spot on. I often find myself “throwing my hands up” (and giving up) when situations become too stressful for my emotions. That ruins relationships and future opportunities to be successful. I have found if I can just control that initial explosive urge, I do much better at managing my anger. I have come a long way since my early days, but occasionally I still fail.
Learning to regulate big emotions is incredibly difficult, but congratulations on recognizing the emotions within yourself, taking responsibility for those emotions, and then taking action to control them. That type of self-awareness is monumental. To err is to be human, and that’s ok. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job self-correcting when you see the signs surfacing again, so keep up the great work.
This was exactly what has been in my thoughts but could not articulate what I am feeling, thank you very much! I feel hopeful and excited to know that I am not alone and there are ways to get beyond my overreactions and outbursts and then feel guilty for days patten. Thank you!
We are so glad you found this post helpful and applicable to your current situation. Finding hope and ways to manage big emotions without guilt is a huge step of progress. Keep up the great work!
Thank you for this post, it is helpful and summarises nicely all that is happening. I have been applying a lot of these already and I guess there is still some actions to take. But as many of the others I fear it is simply impossible to completely get rid of this. And it will eventually happen with all relationships, scarring them for life regardless of the great moments and heartfelt excuses.
Thanks for your response, Sophie. I understand how it can feel as though you may not be able to control your emotions completely. Imagine that “controlling your emotions” is like a muscle that needs to be worked out, You can’t start on day one lifting a heavy weight. You have to start off with small movements and light weights. Eventually you will be able to lift heavier with more ease. Keep up the hard work and it will pay off over time.
Thank you for this insightful post! I’ve struggled with overreacting for a long time, and your tips on recognizing triggers and practicing mindfulness really resonate with me. I’m excited to start implementing these steps to gain better control over my emotions. Looking forward to more great content!