Lights… camera… action!
Shakespeare famously wrote, “All the world’s a stage”, and that is even more true today. The ability to transmit your daily life through social media makes it easy to present yourself as the center of the world without considering others’ thoughts, feelings, or ‘roles’.
Acting as if you are the protagonist in a novel or movie is clearly nothing new, yet it is also true that the social and relational aspects of main character syndrome (MCS) have been greatly magnified by the advent of social media.
Let’s examine what main character syndrome is, what causes it, how to recognize it, and how you can learn to ‘share the spotlight’ with others.
What is main character syndrome?
As Julie Andrews sang in The Sound of Music, “Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start…”
Where better to start than with a definition of main character syndrome? In brief, main character syndrome occurs when you see yourself as the central, most important figure in your own life story, believing that everyone else is merely a supporting character. This outlook may also be referred to as ‘main character energy’.
The term ‘main character syndrome’ originated on social media and gained popularity during the COVID-19 pandemic. Despite containing the word “syndrome”, it is not a recognized mental health disorder. Rather, it describes a self-centered way of looking at life.
One unique aspect of main character syndrome is that you don’t necessarily act like you’re onstage 24/7. It is often reserved for specific occasions: when you are around others and feel like you should be the center of attention. The idea is to present yourself as ‘living your best life’.
Digging deeper into the main character syndrome meaning
When you struggle with MCS, your life may appear grand and adventurous on the outside, yet you may feel deeply unfulfilled on the inside.
Despite this internal reality, you feel a pull to maintain the appearance that your everyday world is filled with nothing other than wonderful experiences. There could be several reasons for this.
Maybe you were raised to believe that you were more special than others. Or conversely, when you were growing up, maybe you heard messages that you weren’t ‘good enough’.
Either of these could be enough to have you questioning your self-worth. Additionally, you may have had people in your life who modeled exaggerated behavior, which you learned to reflect as you grew up.
Maintaining this facade can be very time-consuming, exhausting, and expensive. If you’re honest, it’s probably stressing you out more than it offers you purpose. When you spend your time and money pushing yourself to present elaborate visions of what you want others to see, you could miss out on actually living your life.
Perhaps even more importantly, continuing with this mindset can put a strain on your relationships and quality time with friends and family – an essential consequence given that the quality of your relationships has been scientifically tied to the quality of your life and happiness.
All of which begs the question: is main character syndrome actually worth it, both financially and personally?
Behaviors associated with main character syndrome
Main character syndrome is best identified in your behavior, and especially in behavior that reflects how you understand your observable role in a particular situation.
MCS-type behaviors regularly show up when you are doing something you feel could be perceived as socially significant: everything from attending a friend’s birthday party, making a fancy meal, or helping someone, to something like traveling to an exotic destination. The point is to be seen by others.
In other words, main character syndrome thrives around any activity that society deems news- or spotlight-worthy – anything that is likely to generate a lot of likes, comments, or shares, feeding the social media algorithm.
The following is a list of MCS-type behaviors you might notice in your life and the lives of those around you, as well as some real-world examples:
1. Self-consciousness
Being self-conscious means that you are preoccupied with yourself and how others perceive you. So when you are with others, you may find it hard to get out of your own head – either because you have learned that you need to look after your own needs first, or perhaps because you are worried you have to perform a certain way to be accepted by others.
If you recognize this behavior in your life, it is likely that you are seeing yourself through an unhealthy lens – a lens that reinforces unhealthy thought patterns.
Consider journaling those unhealthy thoughts to get them out of your head and onto paper. Doing so can help you see them for what they are.
You could even go one step further and flip them, turning them into a strength. For instance, if you feel self-conscious about being emotionally sensitive, you could reframe your sensitivity as an ability to understand what others may be feeling.
2. Attention seeking
Attention seeking is intentionally creating scenarios where you get everyone around you to focus on you. You might do this through a simple gesture, such as singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to your friend in an operatic style, or by making comments that could be considered ‘controversial’ in a group conversation.
What you are actually looking for is validation. You may not feel seen or heard by those around you, so you try to be noticed at other times.
If that resonates for you, you may want to shift your focus to connection-seeking. This could allow you both to make meaningful connections with others, and to find organic validation in those interactions (rather than forcing it).
3. Reinventing yourself
After a while of playing a particular role in your life, you may get bored and feel the need to shake things up a bit. You may go from focusing on being a foodie and reviewing everything you eat to trying to start a career as an artist. You might also cycle through fads to ‘keep up with the Joneses’. Doing this could signal that you do not know who you really are.
Acknowledging that could be your first step on the road to true self-discovery. Finding out who you are (for example, through free tools like this one), what you like, and what type of person you would like to become can be scary – and at the same time, it can be the biggest and best adventure of your life.
Once you start getting to know yourself, you may notice that you don’t have to expend extra energy shifting from one thing to another. Instead, you can start to feel at peace with your own identity.
4. Cognitive dissonance
Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable feeling you experience when your actions contradict your values or beliefs.
You are likely to experience this feeling when creating a persona you think will be popular with others, yet goes against who you really are.
This could look like anything from choosing to drink alcohol in a group video – even though you don’t like the taste of it or how it makes you feel – to agreeing with religious or political beliefs you don’t actually connect with, just so you can fit in with a group.
If that’s you, know this: you can have healthy relationships without compromising your values. Be bold and shine your spotlight on what matters to you.
5. Over-dramatizing
Being overly dramatic is when you take a small inconvenience and act as if it carries much more significance. For example, if someone accidentally steps on your foot, you might carry on as if they broke your leg. Similarly to attention seeking, you are likely missing healthy validation in your life.
Reframing your reactions can take some time, and learning to be empathetic toward others can help. Consider asking yourself some questions, such as whether the other person acted intentionally, how you would feel if you accidentally did the same thing to someone else, and whether your emotional reaction accomplishes anything.
Taking time to look at events through different eyes can help to reduce any excessively passionate responses and lead to friendlier resolutions that strengthen your relationships.
6. Expecting special treatment
Expecting special treatment means requiring your every need to be met, above what might be considered reasonable.
A good illustration of this might be if you are shopping at Walmart and leave with two lightweight bags, yet you expect someone to carry them to your car for you, even though you could easily carry them yourself.
If you can recognize this behavior in yourself, you may have experienced overindulgence as a child or had rude behaviors excused, or you might even have been neglected, so that you are now overcompensating to ensure that doesn’t happen again.
Whatever the case, it’s important to remember that requiring extra accommodations can put a strain on your relationships.
If that’s something you want to avoid, you could try practicing gratitude or journaling your emotions so they don’t show up in ways that damage your relationships.
Additionally, learning to verbally appreciate the help you receive from others can go a long way toward developing a healthier attitude, having your needs met, and enhancing your interactions with friends and family.
7. Lacking empathy
Sometimes, you may be so focused on what you are saying and doing that you miss cues indicating that your friends and family are experiencing big emotions themselves.
You may respond to their sharing by telling your own, barely connected story about how you went through ‘the same thing’, circling the attention back to yourself without properly acknowledging the other person’s feelings.
If you can recognize that pattern, it’s possible you were not taught the social skill of having empathy – or maybe you are so overwhelmed with the demands in your own life that you don’t currently have space to handle anything else.
Since empathy is a skill, you can learn it at any age – though it will always require a conscious effort to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
Some simple ways to foster empathy include asking open-ended questions, such as “tell me more,” or “why do you think that?”, validating the other person’s feelings, and being intentionally present in the situation. People in your life will likely notice and appreciate the effort.
8. Distorted view of reality
Given that main character syndrome is linked to social media use, you may struggle to maintain a clear perspective on what is normal and what is not.
With all of the extreme posts, images, and videos on screen, you may think that other people’s lives are much more put together than yours, that someone else has better friendships, or that everyone else has a good job except you.
These thoughts can lead you to believe that you are not as successful in life as others, when the simple truth is that everyone faces difficulties in their life.
Even if you are just surviving day to day, remember that you are making it to the next day. When you feel bad about where you are compared to where others appear to be, it can be helpful to take a moment to view events from a different perspective.
Consider reminding yourself of truths like the fact that everyone struggles, no one’s life is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes.
Additionally, you can be kind to yourself and list the good aspects of your life. If your unhealthy thoughts are so overwhelming that they are affecting your daily life, you may want to look into professional help through online therapy.
9. Romanticizing your problems
Romanticizing your problems involves idealizing your unpleasant experiences in an overly optimistic or unrealistic light. You may feel like the bad events in your life are just your ‘cross to bear’. It’s possible you find your life’s challenges too overwhelming to handle, so you romanticize them as a coping mechanism. You may feel this gives you a sense of purpose or that it is somehow ‘character-building’.
Unfortunately, viewing your challenges as blessings in this extreme way can ultimately make you feel worse. You may end up focusing too much on your struggles, which can easily lead to depression. That’s why it is important to cultivate a balanced perspective on what you are going through. If you notice symptoms of depression, consider talking to a friend, family member, or a specialized online therapist.
10. Glossing over consequences
When you are laser-focused on presenting yourself in a specific way, you may not see, or you may ignore, any destructive consequences of your actions. Road rage is a common example of this. Failing to acknowledge any adverse consequences of your behavior could be harmful to you, your loved ones, and your wider community.
You might act this way because you believe you are invincible, you crave short-term gratification, or you have poor coping skills.
Learning to stop and think about what you are about to do before you do it may be challenging, and yet it can save you a lot of pain, whether physical or emotional.
If you notice this behavior in your life, you may find it helpful to discuss any ‘bold new plans’ with a friend capable of providing an objective perspective and sound advice. They may have a better grasp of the potential consequences than you do.
Main character syndrome vs narcissistic personality disorder
There are a number of traits shared between main character syndrome and narcissistic personality disorder, yet there are also some major differences.
Like main character syndrome, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is characterized by an inability to empathize with others, a tendency towards self-centeredness, a distorted view of reality, and a lack of consideration for the consequences of your actions.
In spite of the similarities, NPD is very different from main character syndrome in that, if you are a diagnosed narcissist, this behavior presents itself in all areas of your life, not just specific situations.
In addition to that distinction, a true narcissist is unlikely to experience cognitive dissonance or romanticize their problems.
8 Ways to address your main character syndrome
Thankfully, there are actions you can take to rein in the “extra” aspect of main character syndrome. Consider some of these options to put a healthy focus on who you really are.
1. Step out of the spotlight
Think about taking a break from social media, or at least lowering the amount of time you spend consuming it. Get out into the real world, spend time with friends, or explore a new hobby – just not through the lens of your phone.
2. Self-reflection
Asking yourself hard questions about why you feel the need to be the main character will be difficult, yet worth it. As we mentioned earlier, it may help to journal your responses so that you can have a tangible way to get your thoughts out of your head and take a good look at them.
3. Refine your social skills
If you find it hard to connect with others, you may need to work on your social skills. Remember that social skills can be learned, and not everyone was taught them during their upbringing.
4. Are you masking?
Consider whether or not you’re ‘masking’. Masking is hiding who you really are and presenting yourself as you think you ‘should be’. You might do this because you are anxious or have low self-esteem, or if you have ADHD. If you determine you are masking, you may find it helpful to try specialized online therapy.
5. Why do you need to reinvent yourself?
Similar to asking yourself whether you are masking, you may want to look into why you feel the need to keep reinventing yourself. You might discover there are things you don’t like about yourself when doing this. The bright side is that, with some work, you could either come to accept those parts of yourself or learn how to change them.
6. Practice empathy
Empathy is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s shoes. Your ability to have empathy is an important part of becoming a well-rounded person. Again, this is something that can be learned and needs to be practiced. One way to train yourself to do this could be to volunteer. Talking with people you are helping can give you insight into what they are going through.
7. Assess your relationships
Because making yourself the only main character in life can be hurtful to your friends and family, you may want to ask how they view your relationship. Their feedback can help you identify areas for improvement.
When you have this conversation, give the other person space to speak, try not to interrupt, and don’t make excuses for your behavior – literally just listen.
8. Online therapy
Stepping out of your own spotlight can be challenging. Taking any one of the above steps may reveal parts of yourself that you didn’t expect to see. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have someone walk this path to growth with you. An online therapist is an impartial third party who will listen to you, who can hold you accountable to your goals, and who can cheer you on.
We can help you learn how to share the spotlight
Taking the initiative to address main character syndrome can be daunting. Thankfully, Makin Wellness offers private, reliable online therapy, where you can learn to be confident in who you really are.
Online therapy provides an accessible space to:
- Learn how to grow beyond main character syndrome;
- Practice being empathetic;
- Improve your interactions with others; and
- Set goals that reflect your values.
You deserve to be able to enjoy being a part of your loved ones’ stories as much as your own – and your Makin Wellness online therapist is here to help when you’re ready.
If you are unsure whether online therapy is right for you, don’t worry, your online therapist can help answer any questions you have about moving past main character syndrome. Call us at (833)-274-heal or click here to schedule an appointment with one of our caring online therapists today.
