If you live with ADHD, you may have heard the phrase “object permanence” float around social media, associating people’s struggles with the inability to remember objects, events, and even relationships when they are out of sight. It is not uncommon to hear stories describing how those living with ADHD forget their friends exist, struggle to finish basic tasks, or suddenly lose emotional connection when someone leaves the room.
What is really going on here?
What Is Object Permanence?
Object permanence is a cognitive skill that begins developing in infancy. This skill was observed and recorded by famous psychologist Jean Piaget in 1954, and it refers to the understanding that something continues to exist even when it is not visible, audible, or otherwise detectable.
For example, under a certain age, children will not be able to understand that a toy hiding under a blanket has not ceased to exist; rather, it is out of sight. As the child’s brain develops and as the phenomenon of the hidden toy is repeated, they will learn that sometimes while items are out of sight, they are not “gone”.
ADHD Does Not Involve Loss of Object Permanence (Clinically Speaking)
Though many people describe ADHD object permanence as “out of sight, out of mind,” research confirms that individuals with ADHD do not regress in their cognitive understanding of object permanence. This concept, once formed in infancy, becomes a foundational mental model that persists throughout life.
Essentially, once you have developed a sense of object permanence, that ability to remember that things exist when you cannot see them does not go away, unless impaired by neurological damage or another cognitive disorder unrelated to ADHD.
ADHD Object Permanence Is Often a Mislabeling of Working Memory Challenges
The experience popularly described as “ADHD object permanence” is more accurately explained by deficits in working memory. Working memory is the ability to store and use information collected by your brain over short periods of time. This is a core executive function that is often impaired in individuals with ADHD.
If you struggle with ADHD, working memory deficits can manifest in various ways, like not being able to keep track of finishing a given activity or difficulty in juggling multiple tasks at once. Working memory deficit is often observed through difficulty with planning, follow-through, and social functioning.
In short, you likely don’t forget things because you lack object permanence — you forget things because your brain struggles to keep items in active memory, especially when new stimuli interrupt your attention.
Consider this real-world example of someone with ADHD:
It is evening, and you need to make dinner. You start boiling pasta and realize you need a hair tie. You head to the bathroom to grab one,and when you open the drawer, it’s a mess. You decide to organize it, then realize another item in that drawer belongs in the bedroom. On your way, you spot laundry that needs folding. Thirty minutes later, you’ve cleaned two rooms — and the pot on the stove is now cold, and dinner remains uncooked.
This chain of distraction isn’t because you believed the dinner no longer existed once out of sight. Rather, your working memory failed to keep the original task (making dinner) front-of-mind. It was overwritten by a cascade of incoming stimuli and shifting priorities. This is a classic hallmark of living with ADHD.
This is why the term ADHD object permanence resonates with so many — it captures the emotional weight of being disconnected from things, even when they matter.
ADHD Object Permanence Impacts Relationships — Here's Why
Perhaps the most painful aspect of ADHD-related memory struggles is the toll they can take on your relationships.
If you’re struggling with ADHD, you might forget to text back, lose track of a conversation’s emotional tone, or simply stop reaching out to a friend. Others can perceive these mistakes as disinterest, causing disruption in important relationships. It is not that you stop caring about friends and family, it’s just that working memory issues often disrupt the ability to track emotional context, remember important social cues, and maintain consistency in connection.
The social impacts of ADHD symptoms, like working memory deficit, are painful and require attention and intentionality to manage. If you are someone with ADHD, you may find that those around you feel emotionally neglected or forgotten, when in reality you are struggling to remember people when they are not present with you. In this instance, it is important to remember that it is not lack of love or care that causes disruption, instead it’s a neurological limitation that needs care (and patience) to be navigated.
So, how do you navigate this?
Visual Cues Can Outsmart Working Memory Deficits
If working memory is the real challenge, how can you keep up with the tasks and relationships around you?
One solution is externalizing memory through visual prompts. This study showed that children with ADHD performed significantly better on tasks when provided with visual cues, which helped “anchor” memory and prevent distraction spirals. They were able to keep track of what they were doing, and what needed to be done, when they had visual cues (pictures, checklists) rather than having verbal cues (being told a sequence that something needed to be done in).
This method of helping you to navigate working memory deficits can be applied not just to daily tasks. It also supports you in managing social dynamics.
7 Ways of Navigating ADHD Object Permanence: Socially and Through Lifestyle Changes
Here’s a list of actionable ideas that can help you manage ADHD object permanence (or, more accurately, working memory deficits):
1. Record Visual Prompts
- Put photos of loved ones in your workspace or phone lock screen. This visual reminder will help to make sure you remember to reach out or respond to people.
- Write down sticky notes of important dates for you to check in on people. Examples of this might be, “Ask Sarah how her exam went on October 12th”, or “Joey’s birthday is May 5th.”
- Create a list of people you need to respond to and regularly go through it.
2. Use Recurring Reminders
- Set weekly or biweekly check-ins with friends, even if short. Use color-coding for different relationship categories (family, partner, friends).
- Regularly use a calendar or planning app so that you remember what tasks need to happen when, important dates like birthdays or anniversaries, and other extra activities that can be easy to lose track of.
- Mentally remind yourself of people by linking a specific habit (like making coffee) with texting someone each day, or by linking certain objects to people (e.g., mug = call mom).
3. Journal Emotional Interactions
- After a meaningful conversation, jot down a few key points — what was shared, how it made you feel, what follow-up they might need. Revisit before your next chat.
- Write down important details about someone’s life before you revisit conversations with them- e.g., your brother’s current stressors, your friend moved and now has a new address, etc.
4. Verbalize Your Memory Needs
- Let close friends know, “I struggle with remembering follow-ups. If you don’t hear from me, please don’t take it personally. Reach out to me!”
- Invite gentle reminders and mutual check-in routines.
5. Give Everything a “Home”
- Use open bins or clear containers to store essentials (keys, chargers, medication).
- Create launch pads near doors for bags, wallets, and to-do items.
- Label areas: a basket labeled “Return to Upstairs” or “Incoming Mail”.
- Remember that the less you have to remember where everything goes, the easier it is to put it back.
6. Break Everything Down into Small Steps
- Write down a clear, detailed list of things that need to be done in order to complete a task. E.g.. instead of writing “clean the kitchen”, write “take out trash”, “load dishwasher”, and “wipe counters”.
- Writing down the small steps reduces overwhelm and helps ensure that you’re not forgetting a step when you’re in another step toward completing the task.
7. Grow & Learn with Online Therapy
If you or someone you love struggles with ADHD object permanence, working memory deficits, or navigating the social difficulties that come with ADHD, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to navigate it alone either. At Makin Wellness, our experienced therapists specialize in ADHD and can help you develop strategies that actually work for your unique brain. Let today be the day you move forward. Take a look at our licensed therapist database or book an online therapy session today.
Final Thoughts: Reframing ADHD Object Permanence with Compassion and Strategy
Though the phrase “ADHD object permanence” is used often, the real issue lies in your brain’s difficulty with working memory and attention regulation. This can lead to deeply personal struggles — from forgetting to eat, to missing out on connection, to losing touch with people you care about.
These experiences are not moral failings, nor are they uncommon. With support and by using the right strategies to navigate difficulty with working memory, you can be empowered to complete tasks and keep track of your important relationships.
So many people with ADHD struggle daily with things others find simple—like remembering tasks, staying organized, or keeping up with relationships. It’s not because of a lack of effort. It’s the invisible weight of ADHD: object permanence issues, working memory challenges, and social misunderstandings that make you feel misunderstood, exhausted, and overwhelmed.
At Makin Wellness, we see you. Our licensed therapists understand how ADHD affects every part of life, not just productivity. We offer compassionate, personalized online therapy to help you untangle the chaos and build a life that works for you.
You don’t have to keep struggling in silence. Reach out today and take the first step toward relief, clarity, and support that truly gets it.
Additional Resources:
- ADHD and Social Anxiety: 9 Important Differentiators, Plus 6 Evidence-Based Tips for Growth
- How to practice mindfulness: 6 meditations to uplift your mental health
- Why ADHD paralysis makes life painfully difficult & how to overcome it
- Understanding the different Types of ADHD: A Guide to Easing Your Symptoms
