It can feel natural to make a joke at your own expense. Maybe you call yourself clumsy, say you’re “not that smart,” or laugh about how you “always mess things up.” You might even notice people respond with smiles or laughter, making the habit feel harmless, or even charming.
If you look beneath the surface, self deprecating remarks can reveal something deeper about how you see yourself. They might be a sign of low self-worth, internalized criticism, or fear of showing your true abilities. Over time, these seemingly small self deprecating comments can shape how you think, feel, and live.
The good news? You can change the way you speak about yourself, and, more importantly, what you recognize as truth about who you are, through intention, practice, and support.
Why Are You Self Deprecating
Self-deprecation often starts as a way to fit in or feel safe in social settings. You might use it to seem humble or relatable, putting yourself down to feel less intimidating or more approachable. You may also do it to preempt criticism, joking about your flaws so no one else can point them out. Another reason is to mask perfectionism, using self-deprecation to hide the frustration of not meeting your own high standards. Finally, it can be a way to repeat learned patterns, especially if you grew up in an environment where confidence was labeled arrogance or where self-criticism was common. These childhood environments make self-deprecation feel normal or even good.
While being self deprecating might look like humor, it’s often a protective shield. And that shield comes at a cost; it reinforces the very insecurities you’re trying to hide.
What Being Self Deprecating Says About Your Internal State
What do you believe about yourself? The way you talk about yourself in casual conversations can reflect your deeper inner beliefs. If you frequently put yourself down, it’s often a sign of low confidence, where you may feel uncertain about your worth or abilities. It can also reflect a fear of vulnerability, since joking about flaws can be easier than being open about real insecurities. Some people carry internalized criticism, echoing negative messages they’ve received from others in the past. And for many, it becomes a pattern of negative identity reinforcement — the more you repeat a statement about yourself, even as a joke, the more your brain begins to believe it.
Research published in Discourse Studies (2025) found that although self deprecating communication online is often linked to a desire for connection, it can also reinforce harmful self-perceptions over time. These offhand remarks about yourself aren’t harmless fluff; they’re subtle signals of how you experience yourself in relation to the world around you. Over time, the habit of downplaying yourself in front of others can erode your internal sense of worth, making confidence feel foreign instead of familiar. And what feels safe in the moment, deflecting praise with self-criticism, can unintentionally dim the truth that you are worthy of respect and love, regardless of where you are at in life.
This mirrors what many clients learn through online therapy — when you constantly speak negatively about yourself, you train your mind to see that version of you as reality. Cooperating with and reinforcing insecurities and lack of self-value will lead to you completely living your life as if they are true.
Your Inner Sense of Worth
Your self-worth isn’t about how you look, how much you achieve, or how others view you. It’s about the inherent value you carry simply by being you.
Self-deprecation chips away at your inner sense of worth. Over time, it can make you doubt your capabilities, minimize your accomplishments, and believe you don’t deserve better. And because your self-perception shapes how others see you, this habit can also influence the opportunities and respect you receive.
One powerful reflection exercise is to ask yourself: If I said to a friend what I just said to myself, would it help them grow — or hold them back? If it would hurt them, it’s likely hurting you too.
Often, comparing yourself to others feels like the natural way to determine your self-worth. When you have no understanding of how valuable you are, it is common to feel you have to ‘prove’ your value or worth by being more popular, attractive, or successful than someone else. This line of thinking is destructive, because there is always someone more popular, successful, or attractive than you.
How to Adjust How You View Yourself in a Positive Way
Changing how you see yourself is not about ignoring your flaws; it’s about recognizing and speaking the truth to yourself with compassion, in the midst of your imperfect areas. Here’s how to start:
1. Notice Your Patterns
Pay attention to when you make self deprecating remarks. Is it around certain people? During moments of insecurity? Awareness is the first step toward change.
2. Pause and Reframe
When you catch yourself putting yourself down, stop and rephrase. Instead of, “I’m terrible at this,” try, “I’m still learning this skill.”
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Treat yourself like you would a loved one going through the same situation. The strategies in How to Stop Self-Sabotaging can help you replace self-criticism with constructive encouragement.
4. Surround Yourself With Positivity
Limit your exposure to people or environments that criticize you and normalize self-put-downs. Instead, spend more time with those who encourage and affirm you.
5. Build Healthy Self-Worth Habits
Use affirmations, keep a “wins journal,” and set realistic goals that allow you to experience consistent progress. How to Be Happy Again offers helpful steps to rebuild a healthier mindset after a low season.
6. Seek Professional Support Through Online Therapy
Online therapy is an important step that allows a professional to see you, hear you, and help affirm what the truth about you is. They can help you uncover the root causes of self-deprecation and build new patterns of thought and speech.
Viewing yourself in a healthy way means choosing to see your worth as something unshakable, not something that rises and falls with mistakes, comparisons, or others’ opinions. It’s not about pretending you have no weaknesses, it’s about giving those weaknesses the same patience and understanding you’d extend to someone you deeply care for. When you consistently look for the evidence of your growth, honor your progress, and allow yourself to feel deserving of kindness, your inner dialogue begins to shift. Over time, this shift becomes a new foundation; one where you naturally speak to yourself with encouragement, stand taller in your own skin, and navigate challenges with a steady sense of self-worth.
Click here to get in contact with one of the Makin Wellness online therapists trained to help facilitate progress and clarity in your life, regardless of where you are on your journey.
Final Thoughts
Even if self-deprecation feels like a harmless habit, it’s often a window into your deeper self-beliefs. The good news is this: you have the power to change both the way you speak to yourself and what you believe is true about yourself. While this is not always an easy or quick journey, by making small steps today, you can set yourself up for transformation in the future.
When you notice the habit, pause. Ask yourself if those words reflect the truth you want to believe about yourself. If not, reframe them into something that acknowledges your growth, your strengths, and your inherent worth.
If you find this habit deeply ingrained, reaching out through online therapy can be transformative. With the right tools, support, and perspective shifts, you can break the cycle, build a stronger sense of self-worth, and live as your most confident, authentic self.
Additional reading:
- How To Stop Overthinking: 5 Simple Strategies For A Clear, Peaceful, And Confident Mind
- How To Be Happy Again: 7 Key Points That Can Lead To Rediscovering Joy In Your Life
- 9 Types Of Online Therapy And HOw They Are Important In Your Healing Process
- How To Break A Bas Habit For Good:Learn 5 Transformative Tips
