Overcome Relationship Insecurity: 5 Steps to Know When It’s Time to Leave

Relationship Insecurity

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Have you ever asked yourself, how do I know if my relationship is healthy? How can I overcome my insecurity? Is it time for me to leave my relationship? These are common questions that many people ask themselves when they feel insecure in their relationship. Relationship insecurity can be caused by many different things, but it is often the result of feeling abandoned, neglected, or not good enough.

There are signs that indicate your relationship is unhealthy and you may be feeling insecure for a reason. Let’s discuss common signs of insecurity in a relationship to help you determine if your relationship is healthy or not so you can make the best decision for yourself and your partner.

Signs of Insecurity in a Relationship

There are many different signs that indicate your relationship could be unhealthy and you may be feeling insecure for a reason.

  • Your partner is emotionally distant
  • You lack trust in your relationship and have a hard time believing what your partner says or does
  • Your significant other doesn’t want to be around you even though they previously had always wanted to spend time with you
  • Your significant other is often upset or irritable
    Your partner often expresses jealousy or controlling behaviors
  • You constantly need reassurance from your partner
  • You frequently find yourself in arguments and fights
  • You have low self-esteem or lack of trust in yourself
  • You feel isolated or alone

Experiencing signs of relationship insecurity does not always mean your relationship is unhealthy; sometimes you can feel insecure for reasons outside of your relationship that can impact how you feel in your relationship.

If you are experiencing signs of insecurity in your relationship, it’s time to take a serious look at what might be causing these feelings and think about whether you and your significant other can work through them.

Signs of insecurity

Causes of Insecurity in Relationships

Feeling insecure in your relationship can be caused by many different things:

  • Childhood Insecurities: Frequently if we do not get all our needs met and develop a secure attachment style as children (and sometimes even adults), it leads us to develop an insecure attachment style in our relationships. People with an insecure attachment style tend to have a harder time trusting their partner, often fearing abandonment and neglect.
  • Brain Chemistry: When it comes to feelings of insecurity, there is also science involved. Our brain chemistry can affect our emotions and contribute to the way we feel in a relationship.
  • Relationship History: Past relationships or bad breakups might leave you feeling insecure about your current relationship. It can be hard to let go of past hurts and move on from difficult things, especially when it comes to relationships.
  • Lack of Self-Esteem: Feeling insecure in your relationship can also be caused by a lack of self-esteem and feeling like you don’t measure up compared to others. If you struggle with feelings of inadequacy or not being good enough, this is especially likely to cause insecurity in your relationship.
  • Fear of Being Alone: If you are afraid of being alone or always want someone by your side, this can cause insecurity in your relationship. If you have a fear of being single and think that there is no one else out there for you but your current partner, then it is likely to lead to feelings of insecurity in the relationship when your partner does not act how you would like them to.
  • Toxic Relationships: Toxic relationships can also leave you feeling insecure because the way a toxic partner treats you is likely how you feel about yourself and fear being treated by others as well. If this is going on with your significant other, it’s time to move on from them altogether if you are not able to change the dynamic of the relationship.

Ways to Overcome Insecurity in Your Relationship

If you are coping with insecurity in your relationship, there are ways to work through it and overcome the insecurity. 

  • Talk about your feelings: This is a huge one. Talk to your partner about what might be causing your insecurity and be honest about how you’re feeling. Chances are they might not even know that their actions or words are impacting you the way they are.
  • Get support: Getting outside help or advice from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can also help you work through your feelings of insecurity and overcome them. If you feel like there is no one to turn to, don’t worry- there are a lot of ways you can work towards feeling more secure with a little bit of effort.
  • Challenge your thoughts: If you’re struggling with negative or irrational thoughts about yourself and your relationship, it can be helpful to challenge them. When you catch yourself thinking these thoughts, ask yourself if they are true and whether there is evidence to back them up. Even taking time to write these things down can help you sort through your thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. Often, our insecure thoughts are just that- thoughts, and not reality.
  • Make time for yourself: It’s important to have some “you” time to maintain your sense of self and independence. If you’re always focused on your relationship, it can be hard to remember that you are an individual too. Make sure to schedule some time each week for things that make you happy- whether that’s reading, going for a run, or spending time with friends.
  • Focus on the good: It can be easy to get wrapped up in all the negative things happening in your relationship, but try to focus on the good too. Remind yourself of why you fell in love with your partner in the first place and what you like about them. This can help boost your confidence and overcome feelings of insecurity.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to dealing with relationship insecurity, the best thing you can do is focus on any internal issues that you might be dealing with and take steps to overcome them. With a little effort, you can feel more confident and secure in your relationship!

abusive relationships

How to Know When It's Time to Break Up With Someone Who Makes You Feel Insecure

If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship and none of the tips listed above seem to be helping, it might be time to reconsider your relationship status. If you are constantly feeling anxious or down because of your partner, it’s likely not a healthy relationship for you. Other signs that it might be time to break up with someone include:

  • They put you down or make fun of you in front of other people.
  • You’re not comfortable enough to talk to them about the things that are bothering you, and they don’t seem interested in working on your relationship either.
  • They make you feel like your concerns aren’t valid or important.
  • They don’t respect your time or personal space.
    You don’t feel like yourself when you’re around them.
  • You’ve noticed signs of emotional abuse such as gaslighting or invalidation.

If any of these signs sound familiar, it might be time to break up with someone who makes you feel insecure and find someone else who is more supportive! It’s never easy to decide to end a relationship, but if the negatives outweigh the benefits (and there are no signs of improvement), this might be your best choice.

If your partner is causing insecurity in your relationship through their actions, it’s important to take a step back and reevaluate. If they are unwilling to work with you when you express feelings of anxiety or fear towards certain aspects of your relationship, it might be time to end things.

Tips For Couples Who Are Struggling With Feelings of Insecurity And Want The Best For Their Relationship

If you and your partner are willing to work through feelings of insecurity, here are some tips to help you along the way:

  • Set boundaries for your relationship: It’s important to establish clear communication about what you are comfortable with in terms of physical touch, spending time together, and general communication.
  • Prioritize alone time: Make sure that each partner has enough space away from the other. This will help them maintain a healthy sense of individuality while also feeling secure when they’re around one another!
  • Identify what triggers you: If certain things always seem to make you feel insecure, try to identify them. This can help you to know what to avoid or how to deal with your feelings when they come up.
  • Talk about your fears: If you’re feeling scared or anxious, talk to your partner about it! It might help to see their reaction and know that they are supportive of you.
  • Don’t bottle up your feelings: This will only lead to more resentment and frustration down the road.
  • Talk about what’s going on in your relationship: this will help both you and your partner feel closer to one another!
  • Be positive: It can be really helpful to focus on the good things in your relationship, rather than only the negative.

Need Someone to Talk to About Relationship Insecurity?

We understand, trying to navigate these feelings can be tough. If you need someone to talk to about relationship insecurity, our counselors are here for you! You don’t have to go through this alone.

At Makin Wellness, we offer therapy and counseling services to get you on the right path to healing. To learn more about how we can help you, start your healing journey now!

Sara Makin MSEd, LPC, NCC

Sara Makin MSEd, LPC, NCC

All articles are written in conjunction with the Makin Wellness research team. The content on this page is not a replacement for professional diagnosis, treatment, or informed advice. It is important to consult with a qualified mental health professional before making any decisions or taking action. Please refer to our terms of use for further details.

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This Post Has 10 Comments

  1. Linda

    I had my bf fb detail and I see he chatting with others girls..sometime he neglect me…and he’s out of the country…..and of recent he change his password ….sine then…my insecurities are high..What should I do

    1. Makinwellness

      Hi Linda, thanks for sharing your story. We understand how you feel. We’ve felt that way before and found that therapy goes a long way in moving toward healing. Contact our Makin Wellness team today as we’d love to help you develop a plan to work through this.

      1. Edz

        My partner is a very secured and confident person , since im so afraid of losing her im desperate to agree everything she says and and im so afraid to be alone. I love her so much im a member of LGBTq

  2. Twos company

    Relationship insecurity can be a significant issue for many couples, but this post provides practical tips to help you build a stronger, more secure relationship. It provides insights into the root causes of insecurity and ways to overcome it.

  3. Howard Bing

    Remember, you deserve to be loved, respected, and treated kindly.

  4. Gaby

    My fiancé and I are currently having issues in our relationship. Mostly me feeling insecure about a current interaction with his female colleagues. I stopped by his work I was going to surprise him since I was in the area where he works. I spotted him with one of his coworkers so I kind of stayed close but he didn’t notice I was there. His coworker suddenly got close and started touching him. He didn’t say anything to his coworker or put a stop to it. It opened my eyes so an environment I didn’t even think existed in our relationship. My insecurities started from this point on. I have sat with him and shared the incident with him. All he said was he didn’t find nothing wrong with what had just happened. What should I do in this case when his response was uncertain to me?

    1. Makinwellness

      I’m sorry you’re experiencing feelings of insecurity within your relationship. We all have boundaries and things that make us feel uncomfortable – which is normal. This seems like a very difficult situation for you, and it might be worthwhile to speak to a counselor, either by yourself or together as a couple to help with the feelings of insecurity but also to help your partner to understand what is bothering you.

  5. Cynthia

    My bf and I have been together for two years and life has gotten more busier and reality has hit but we still try to stick together though we are long distanced cause he’s been sick and going in and out of this hospital and I have been understanding even though it’s hard but it has caused him to be depressed and ask for space but he still comes back to me but I have serious relationship insecurities now cause he is so laid back with me,he does not compliment me but like other girls pictures on sm and he also finds it difficult to apologize sometimes…he is a sweet person and gifts me thoughtfully too but the changes are taking a toil on me as I want things as before but we’ve grown now..he is more reserved than I am and doesn’t always talk about his feelings as much as I do as a woman I know he loves me but my insecurities are over the top cause he is so unbothered about this little concerns of mine and says I’m not emotionally matured please what do I do now

    1. Makinwellness

      I am so sorry you are experiencing some relationship insecurity, Cynthia. Remember that, although you love someone, it is important to communicate your needs and boundaries. Someone who loves you will understand what you are asking for and work toward fulfilling those needs and desires while respecting your personal boundaries. You do not need to accept behavior that continually hurts, makes you feel like you aren’t enough, or as if you are not worth their effort.

      If this has been going on for a long time, take time to yourself to determine what type of relationship you want, what is it you need in your relationship, and anything you think you should work on within yourself to create a healthy relationship dynamic.

      You may also benefit from talking to a counselor since you mentioned these issues have been going on for a long time. A counselor can greatly help you to understand where the roots of relationship insecurity are coming from, how to change those thought patterns to healthier one, and define what a healthy relationship looks like to you. I hope you find relieve soon!

  6. Robert Parkhurst

    What a delightful and engaging conversation! Thanks for sharing such an insightful perspective.

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